Tuesday, August 16, 2005

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

So... that Rann-Thannagar... war? truce? skirmish? the one millionth hour of the zero infinite genesis of the multiple armagedons and the crisis of judgement? Anyway, that thingie. While I've been loving OMAC and Villains United I really haven't been enjoying the actual war tale. I have in fact been so uninpressed with it, that while reading it I started to wonder about the real war... THE BLOGOSPHERIC WAR!!! So who would win? I say Rann... why? 'cause it would make for a better movie! that's why!

ConceptA man travels 10 billion years for loveThe ancient Egyptian husband and wife rulers find a crashed spaceship from another planet hich allows them fashion feathery wings to obtain fantastic powers which still don't prevent them from being killed, resurrected, retconned, split, joined, multiplied, turned into an animal avatar, brought back to life, fall in love, get separated, travel to another planet... be galactic policemen... be superheroes... head hurts... must stop.. can't go on...Rann
LocationsAbandoned ruins on Earth, Space, a stylishly designed retro futuristic sci-fi utopia citya boring fascist city.. probably white.. and grey, oh wait! it's flying! in the middle of the air! it could be cool! original! new! oh wait...it's BespinRann
Sex appealSkintight Costumes, Sexy Babes, square jawed heroesHairy Chests and wild hawkwomenThanagar by a hair and a feather
Villains and DangersSentient Clouds, Living Tornadoes, Invaders from Space, Giant sunlenses.They are fascists, they are the villains!Rann (there's no way that anything can top a sentient cloud)
CostumesA stylishly designed red jumpsuit with a nifty jetpack. The fin on the helmet seals the dealGian feathery.. no wait, metalic... no wait feathery wings, with a matching hawk-helmet. The colors do bring it down a notch or two.Thanagar. Seriously. A guy in a jetpack, running towards you firing all guns at the same time, scary. A snarling hairy chested guy or a battle hardened, hard as nails woman running towards while wearing open wings, and hawk styled helmet and swinging a giant bloody mace at you. terrifying.
Set piecesAdam travelling through space in the Zeta Beam. Adam arriving to Rann. Adam flying on a Jetpack for the first time, tussling with a clound and marveling at the sea of fire. Adam rescuing Alana, looking at her on the eye right after he tells her that he loves her, waiting for a response and dissapering before he hears it as the effect of the Zeta Beam vanishes. Okay, the hawks would make for a cool visual. But where is the soul?? sorry. Lame action set pieces. No imagination required.Rann
Audience AppealOh please! a love story with an action adventure sci-fi take? Chicks and blokes. Do smart set pieces and you'll get everyone in. Titanic like box office Sci-fi geeks... animal fetishists... egyptian scholars? Meh..Chronicles of Riddick if you're luckyRann

So, final results? Rann 5- Thannagar 2. No contest. I thereore declare Rann the supreme winner of this battle. GO RANN!!!!